Steven founded a tech startup with two other brilliant, introverted, hard-working, engineers. The first round of angel investors brought them $50,000 and a good base to grow the business. They were working out of Steven’s apartment and had minimal expenses so that initial round was all for growth and development.
All three engineers specialized in coding and development so they split the other business responsibilities until they could afford to hire dedicated professionals to fill the roles. Steven was put in charge of financials, Armani the marketing research and Matt the day to day operations.
Unbeknownst to his partners, Steven is an impulsive technology shopper. It started innocently enough with the printer that was “too fabulous to pass up”, the new laptops for everyone with incredible headphones and the 3-D printer that magically appeared one day. When the robot assistant arrived his partners realized Steven had a problem and their funding was running low.
Can you think back to a time when you were impulsive?
Impulsivity is defined as “a tendency to act on a whim, without forethought, reflection or consideration of consequences. It is a rash response to situations where a considerable response is more appropriate.”
Perhaps shopping is not your weakness, and you are thinking “me, impulsive? No, I am incredibly thoughtful, all the time.”
Perhaps it isn’t riding boots, craft beer or a motorcycle when your impulsivity kicks in, but have you ever walked into the movie theater with no intention to eat until the smell of popcorn reaches you? Before you know it you and your bucket are enjoying the show.
Not all impulsive actions are bad, you could be the leader who spur of the moment orders lunch for your team to celebrate a win, picks up and hugs your 110lb St. Bernard when you see her or suddenly moves a meeting across the street to the beach. Some impulsiveness can be good, in fact, we bundle it with being spontaneous and strive to keep it. The problem is when there are negative consequences consistently emerging.
How do you learn to take control of destructive impulsivity, those actions that may be followed by regret? Have you ever sent a text message and then wished you could grab it back? You realized the wording was far too harsh, included a photo that should not have seen the light of day or should not have reached out at all?
Enough people have experienced “email regret” that Outlook and Gmail have developed options to literally grab back that email. Gmail gives you 30 seconds to change your mind, Outlook is even more user-friendly, allowing you to retrieve that angry email until the time it is opened by the recipient. They say these are foolproof, but we constantly are reminded that glitches happen. The best guard against your boss actually reading your emotional response is never sending it in the first place.
What happens in the brain when we are impulsive?
When a stressor or threat is detected the amygdala sets off the alarm, the reaction that follows in the brain and body coordinate an emotional response. The amygdala reaction is like a train heading downhill and the prefrontal cortex, where logic and executive functioning happens controls the brakes. Scott Hayton‘s research published in the Journal of Neuroscience shows that the medial prefrontal cortex, where Impulsivity resides, provides the top-down signal to inhibit impulsive responses. When the braking station, the prefrontal cortex has a connectivity problem and isn’t talking to other areas of your brain we have impulsive actions.
Hayton‘s research shows that increasing neuronal connections in the prefrontal cortex decrease impulsivity. The most effective way to increase and strengthen those connections is intentionally making the brain fire them. We need to practice being thoughtful instead of impulsive.
The first step is becoming aware of your impulsivity. It is easy for us to see it in others, but not always in ourselves, unless of course consequences strike. One of the easy ways to spot your impulsivity is to look at your shopping; retailers call them impulse purchases for a reason.
Every time Ryan enters Trader Joe’s, whether shopping for the week or just to pick up two items, something completely unanticipated at the end of the register winds up in his basket. This week it was the watermelon/cucumber mints, last week salted peanut butter pretzels. It has reached the point that Ryan doesn’t even notice it anymore as he puts the groceries away.
Often impulsive reactions can lead to anger, hurt feelings or undesired consequences. A word can be said in haste by a coworker, a dismissive expression or gesture of a supervisor or an inappropriate action by a team member can cause damage to the collaboration and cohesiveness of your team.
How can we begin to take control? How do we literally “cut it off at the pass”?
- Self-awareness is the first critical step, at times this can be the most challenging. You may be good at Trader Joe’s, but what do you do without forethought, without concern of consequences, quickly almost intuitively? Do you know when you are impulsive? Most of us don’t recognize it until it is pointed out to us. Try keeping an impulse file in Evernote, or other notes app on your phone or make a list in a journal. When you realize you acted impulsively, take a note. Ask a friend, spouse or family member you trust to bring it to your attention if they see you do something impulsive. Someone close to you will be much more aware of your actions that you may be.
- Now recognize what precipitates it. What triggers your impulsive actions? Add that to your notes. Soon you will likely see a pattern. Perhaps impulsive reactions follow comments from a coworker, actions by a spouse or communication breakdowns of your team. When you understand what happens just prior to the impulsive action, you will become aware of the impending reaction. There is a space between the impetus and the reaction. That space is what allows you to think and decide, to step in before the impulsive reaction, outburst or action takes place.
- Next, develop tools to curtail the impulsivity in that space. Is it as simple as taking a breath, moving your attention to another subject or sidestepping additional triggers? Perhaps it is taking your spouse to Trader Joe’s or the Harley Davidson dealership when you need something, Once you have an advance warning you can begin to take proactive action.
Is the space eluding you?
In the fast-moving, instantaneous world we live in impulsive actions are more prevalent than ever. Just Google text regret — you will receive almost 7000 hits from “7 Strategies of Text Regret” to NPR‘s “Think Before You Send It”.
And then there is Twitter, the media has reported far too many well known impulsive tweet debacles. The most impulsive texts or tweets follow the path of anger, narcissism or inattentiveness Many times impulsive acts are followed by regret. Since the consequences were not considered, it is easy to miss avoiding them.
Could that moment, that space ever be more valuable?
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